Saturday, 27 July 2013

The 5 stages, depression and chronic pain

Thinking again about the 5 stages of grief (Elisabeth Kübler-Rossand how people like myself, with depression and chronic pain feel all 5 of these stages most every day...

Denial - Why is  this happening to me, why do I deserve this?? We refuse to accept the logical progression and logical outcome.
I think I feel Denial (often) every single day! I was a hard worker with a humongous love/hate relationship with introduced pest plants in Australia and spent a lot of my spare time clearing local bushland.  Now, I look out onto my wonderful Aussie bushland and think "sheeesh, why can't I just go over the fence and clear those vines. 

Anger - the Why me? How is this fair?
For me this goes hand in hand with the Depression, I think Why do I have to take pain pills to want to do what I used to do before the onset of these "O's" in my life.. Why can't I just do what I used to do -Why me - Why - Why - Why and then I tend to get withdrawn and sullen and not pleasant to be around for my poor family:(

Bargaining - I'd do anything to make myself better again! I'd give everything I own!
I don't tend to Bargain I think - I think I've resigned myself to never being who I was without more help to research cures!

Depression - becoming silent, sad about the inevitable life before you!
Touched on this in Anger - but for me the Depression is heightened by more than just a want to go bush - having to think about little everyday tasks like vacuuming (and having pain for a day or two after), cleaning the raked ceiling is Scary for me due to not being able to move my neck without a headache or migraine for days.. Like many of us - we don't get to see the sky like most people:(

Acceptance - for me are the days that I totally understand I cannot do "exactly" what I want to do without accepting the painful consequences.
Doing exactly this just now - the urge to go bush the last few days has been very very strong but I know I just cannot afford to right now without having to spend some more time in bed zonked.  Even more annoying is it's right there every time I walk out my doors. 
I know I'll end up over there at some stage soon but am right proper upset that I just cannot stroll over today. This wasn't meant to be a huge vent but became one so I apologise to those that cannot empathise:)

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